Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
