but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
