Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
