M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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