also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
