I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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