batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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