by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
