One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
