Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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