WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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