I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
