had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
