i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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