trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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