I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
