Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
