How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
love makes seman taste better
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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