the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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