She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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