I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
