Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
