Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
