your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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