Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
