'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
