did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The best revenge is premature balding
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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