you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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