She said her name was "party"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
