Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Where is the hickey?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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