Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
