So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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