I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
