Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
