wrigley field is MILF paradise
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
