It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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