I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
