Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize