I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
