taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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