When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
