Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
