Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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