broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
