i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
