Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
