help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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