This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
