literally had 100 drinks last night.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
