so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
