just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
