Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
