sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
