No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
