I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
