I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
NoShamevember. You game?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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