i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
