turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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