Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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