You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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