So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
