Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize