so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
