Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
