i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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