I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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