That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
