I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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