The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
