My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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